Peer Review #3

This week I chose to critique Alina’s letter to Mr. Gradgrind.

https://alinagoro.wordpress.com/2017/04/09/blog-4-week-6/

“Hi Alina, hope you don’t mind but I thought I’d use your entry to do my review on. I was looking to read someone’s letter to Mr. Gradgind and yours was the first I found.
I think you articulated your feelings towards Mr. Gradginds raising of Louise, my favorite line was “Put simply, she has been robbed of her childhood and as a consequence, she has become silent and detached.” as this feels like a direct verbal smack to Mr. Gradginds well deserved face. However, I think you could have gotten away with being a lot more punchey when it came to telling him off, but at the same time, I can understand why you chose to remain calm within your writing.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts in the future, have a great week!

-Adam.”

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One thought on “Peer Review #3

  1. *Please attend to editing your work carefully. Here is what I have picked up:
    *Mr. Gradginds raising of Louise= Mr. Gradgind’s raising of LouisA [‘s needed for ownership and character’s name misspelt; see ‘s or s’ – Apostrophe- if there is a meaning of ownership ( the boy’s apple/ the boys’ apples) then you need an apostrophe. See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/621/01/. But don’t use apostrophe s for normal plurals!!!]
    * , my favorite line was = new sentence needed here.: . My favorite line was …
    * Mr. Gradginds well deserved face= Mr. Gradgind’s well deserved face [ditto ‘s]
    * think you could have gotten away with = think you could have got away with

    Like

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